The newest location of Weaver Street Market was announced today: it will be located in the parking lot of Barnes Towing’s pickup lot, where cars from Carr Mill Mall are towed if patrons leave the parking lot.

“We noticed that all of our customers were heading over here,” said Weaver Street’s Manager when reached. “And they all looked very sad and like they could use a hot bar snack.”

The hot bar at the Barnes Towing lot will charge additional fees if customers pay with a credit card, say hello, or scratch their noses.

New water features coming to Carr Mill Mall

The new Weaver Street location is just the latest news from Carr Mill Mall. Earlier this year, the former mill installed a giant bucket on top of Weaver Street Market. Every 5-7 minutes, the bucket dumps gallons of water all over East Weaver Street and unsuspecting visitors to the Weaver Street lawn.

Visitors to the lawn – or any surrounding businesses – are expected to get soaking wet.  Small signs will be installed around Carr Mill Mall warning patrons that if they leave the parking lot, their electronic devices will likely never work again.

New electric fences installed at Carr Mill Mall

Lastly, new electric fences are being installed around Carr Mill Mall. Signs will be installed around Carr Mill Mall warning patrons that if they leave the parking lot, velociraptors may appear.

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