The internet is atwitter with speculation that UNC football coach Bill Belichick will be ousted soon, following a dreadful start to the season and as unsavory reports about the program continue to leak out.
If Belichick does lose his job, we hope he stays in Chapel Hill! But he’ll need new ways to stay busy and, given the cost of housing here, maybe even a side hustle to make ends meet.
Unfortunately, the Triangle Blog Blog is not hiring at this time. But we have a few ideas for Bill.
Volunteering to register new voters on campus
Towing everyone from Weaver Street Market
Honestly, this is the best chance for Bill to maintain his current income
Advocating for bike infrastructure around town to promote healthy lifestyles, reduce our reliance on cars, and mitigate climate change impacts
Bill is so ready for the Cameron bike lanes to be improved
Filling the “cantankerous white guy who thinks things are changing too quickly and everything costs too much” role on Chapel Hill Town Council
(tends to be a short-term gig)
“Secret shopper” for Chapel Hill Transit
We think he’s right for this because Bill is always wondering how can we make this better from the perspective of the end user?
Downtown sign spinner guy
Educating the public on the increasing risk of extreme flooding events caused by climate change and extensive amounts of impervious surfaces created by our suburban, disconnected land use pattern
Billy the Pit Preacher
Male model
Bill is 5’11” wearing size M in heather true royal. Additional options available here.
Advocating for more outdoor dining options and Parisian vibes along Franklin Street
Patiently waiting for Lee Roberts, who led the charge to bring Belichick here despite this being a university and not an NFL farm team, to also lose his job as a result of this whole mess
