Ah, the Pit. That iconic yet kind of pointless gathering spot in the middle of UNC’s campus. Too big to walk around but too small to not notice that you just stepped down a foot only to have to step back up 4 seconds later as you reach the other side. Sometimes it’s soggy from rain. When it’s not, it’s hot enough to make you believe Gary the Pit Preacher’s apocalyptic hellfire prophecy is coming true.

The Pit, like democracy and the rule of law, is apparently on its last legs. According to UNC Facilities, “the space needs repair. The existing stormwater and subgrade drainage systems are failing, and the sunken courtyard suffers from flooding and ponding after minimal rain events.” The Pit has two mature oak trees – that’s enough that if CHALT existed in 1793 they would have tried to prevent Old East from being built – that sadly will have to be removed to make repairs to the area.

UNC is currently working with a landscape architect to determine what a new Pit might look like. At an April campus event, students were asked to react to three potential visions for the Pit 2.0: Beach, Bridge, or Plaza. Which is pretty meh and reminds us way too much of this:

The BlogBlog was not invited to the event, but we didn’t take offense. We often intimidate people with our design savvy. Still, we can’t help but try to help. Armed with noting but a bootleg copy of Photoshop and too much time on our hands, we present to you 6 BlogBlog considerations for the future of the Pit.

Pit Pit Putt Putt

The par 3 course features a windmill, water features, LDOC streakers, and obstacles including a rotating hostile legislative body.

 

An actual pit of undetermined depth

Would make a great place for MCAT study group meetups. Just bring your own lantern and carabiners.

 

Wine and cheese patio that’s giving LA vibes

OK so it’s more like Mango Loco Monster and Bojangles Supremes combo with 3 extra honey mustards, but you can crop that out of your Instagram photos.

 

An outdoor museum

We’ve heard the Ackland is interested in expanding and installing a permanent exhibit: The Pit’s Pits.

 

An obstacle course

We recognize that a new Pit will need funding from our friends in Raleigh who will likely expect something in return for their gracious and begrudging support of the university. We get it! As a compromise, how about UNC gets a new water feature for the Pit and Republicans get a new process through which professors get to keep their jobs?

A new school

The Pit is beloved because it brings diverse people together where they exchange ideas and stretch their minds and imaginations. And that’s a fucking problem in this day and age, right? We propose a new school to replace the Pit. Preliminary plans reveal an innovative design solution to address site constraints and accommodate the size of the new building – entrances to the UL, Davis and Wilson libraries, and the campus bookstore will be permanently blocked.

This piece was written by Stephen Whitlow and Melody Kramer.